057 Fuck Valentine’s Day: Top 5 Dating Tips for Vegans!
With (made-up, irrelevant holiday) Valentine’s Day coming up we figured it be a good time to do a dating tips episode! The Warrior Princesses give their top 5 tips for dating as a vegan in this non-vegan world. Plus, a rant about sexism – so romantic!
In This Episode
After ranting about the horrific news over the last week for women/feminism, including pro-rape rallies, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) creating a victim-blame-y infographic, and the resurgence of “heganism” (that’s veganism, now for men!), the girls launch into their favorite dating tips for vegans on the prowl:
#5 Know What and Who You Want, Communicate Accordingly
Figure out what you need and want as a vegan when it comes to relationships and dating: are you ok with animal products in your house? On a date? Would you pay for a non-vegan meal? Eat at a non-vegan restaurant? Date a non-vegan?
Once you know where you lines are, communicate them clearly. Online dating makes this easy – put what you’re looking for in your profile! If you are not online dating, make sure to bring these things up as they are relevant but early on. Let the other person choose what is ok for them, too. The right person will meet you where you’re at.
It’s ok for these needs to change over time. It may take actually experiencing some things before you realize you’re not ok with them, or as you get further along your vegan journey, you might notice shifts in your limits. Always be checking in with yourself, and then communicate any changes that come up.
If you decide you’ll only date vegans, it’s a great idea to take things offline and go try to meet people in real life. Go to vegan Meetups and events in your city/area, get to know people in your local community. Not all vegans will be online dating, so it’s nice to go physically see who’s out there. Plus, you might have fun and make some friends! Even if you are open to dating omnis, vegan events are a great place to meet vegan-friendly/curious omnis. The L.A. Vegan Street Festival last year was packed with ten of thousands of people, many of which were not vegan but were totally down for trying vegan food. If this is not an option for you, see if there are online vegan events you can join or participate in. Go on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, read blogs. Find vegan people you admire and then start interacting with their community. You never know when you’ll make a new friend, and the more people you know, the better!
#4 Figure out the Logistics to Suit Your Needs
Once you know what your limits are, figure out some safe dates that you can suggest or plan that meet your needs. If you feel obligated to pay for the date, be the one to suggest where to go. Pick out favorite vegan or vegan-friendly restaurants that are popular with omnivores. If you are a gluten-free vegan, make sure to know where you can eat and ask to go there. Plan juice, smoothie, or acai bowl dates in the morning or early afternoon, so that everything is naturally vegan and you don’t have to worry about what to order.
Also be open to planning/suggesting non-food dates for the first few. Hikes, movies, museums, local events can all be great ways to get to know someone without the pressure of food (or in some cases, even money!). Figure out what you like to do, what you would want to do with a potential partner, and plan dates around those things. That will give you easy insight into your compatibility as well as making sure you’re in a safe space while you two get to know each other.
#3 Be Confident!
Let your little vegan light shine, babies! Bask your dates in your glow – no, not that elusive “vegan” glow that everyone does juice cleanses for! The glow of living a lifestyle in tune with your morals, or a lifestyle that fits your health needs and makes you feel good. You are vegan for a reason, let them see that confidence and joy. Callie and I light up when we talk about our veganism or the show, people respond to it. They can tell we’re in love with our lifestyle. Bring that joy to the table.
It’s ok to be upset at the state of the world, too. You don’t want to bring the date down too much, but it’s ok to be real about why you are vegan and how you feel like you’re making a difference. Whatever moves you, motivates you, bring that to your date. Let them see the passionate side of you, the vegan warrior princess that lives inside us all.
Don’t apologize, don’t make concessions. Don’t think someone’s going to leave you because you are vegan or because you have boundaries. If they do, THEY’RE DOING YOU A HUGE ENORMOUS AMAZING FAVOR. That means they don’t respect you or your boundaries and a relationship with them would be shit any way.
Walk around as if anyone in the world would be lucky as fuck to have your heart. Behave in a way that makes that true. If you have issues, work on them. If you are insecure, find a way to fix it. But never let someone else define you or set your worth.
#2 Veganism is a Boundary, Great for Red-Flag Detection!
Your vegan boundaries are a GREAT way to find out how someone will treat any boundaries in your relationship. It tells you a lot about how someone will be when compromise and communication need to happen as well.
Respect your limits? Research restaurants that are vegan-friendly or vegan? Look up recipes that are safe and make them for you? Then, yes yes yes, proceed!
Tease you (in a not-fun way)? Try to force you to justify yourself? Belittle your lifestyle or your needs? Then, hell to the no, kick them to the curb!
This can work even with vegans dating other vegans. For instance, if you are gluten-free, does your vegan date give you shit about it? Or are they concerned with making sure your are comfortable and have food that won’t make you sick? Same for being a raw vegan, or a whole food vegan, or a junk food vegan, or any other brand of veganism that might cause a conflict of interest.
These may seem like silly tests, but a person who is emotionally mature and respectful will be so no matter the subject, same for a person who is not. People reveal a LOT about themselves when confronted with a boundary, just make sure you are paying attention when they do.
#1 All Relationships ARE Relationships
We are brainwashed to think romantic relationships are completely different than any other relationship in our lives, so we tend to act totally different on a date than when grabbing coffee with a friend. We also tend to forget the lessons we’ve already learned with our veganism and the other people in our lives. Maybe you’ve already told your friends you’ll only eat in vegan restaurants, maybe you’ve already told your family there’s no animal products allowed in your house. You’ve already had these experiences, the tough conversations, the boundary setting. There’s no reason to think all of your experiences don’t relate to dating, they absolutely do! Use your skills from the other areas of your life and bring them to your dates, and you’ll be great!
BONUS TIP: don’t (seriously) date anyone who isn’t at LEAST as cool, respectful and fun as your closest friends!!!
Links and Information
- Hellmann’s to Launch Vegan Mayo (VegNews)
- Top Google Search in Iowa: “Is Bernie Sanders Vegan?” (VegNews)
- What is “Heganism?” (Vegan Feminist Network)
Mentioned in this Episode
- Very Adult Coloring Books – adult coloring books with naked people with tattoos! Sooooo rad, perfect Valentine’s Gift! Use discount code “vegandonut” for 10% off!
- Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind – and Keep – Love – required reading for EVERYONE!