132 Boundaries! With Nichole and Guest Host Aja

We’re talking about boundaries again, our favorite subject! Today, guest host Aja fills in for Callie to talk about recognizing when we have weak boundaries, and ways we can strengthen them.

In This Episode

Today we’re talking all about boundaries. Nichole has been in therapy and doing this work for herself, so she wanted to share with all of you! Our dear friend Aja joins us to give Callie a break, and we have a blast talking about what weak boundaries look like, how to make them stronger, and our personal experiences with each side of that equation.

Weak Boundaries

  • Pretending to agree when you don’t or hiding your true feelings
  • Going along with an activity you don’t want to do
  • Declining an activity that you want to do
  • Pushing yourself beyond your limits, working too hard, not resting when tired
  • Doing too much for other people, not enough for yourself
  • Ignoring your own needs
  • Bad self care: not eating regular healthy meals, not getting enough sleep, too much or too little exercise, denying leisure activities
  • Too little or too much alone time
  • Not enough contact with caring people
  • Using chemicals (nicotine, alcohol, sugar, pills, drugs) to feel better
  • Giving into compulsions (shopping, TV, sex, eating, starving, exercise, sports)

Ways to Strengthen

  • Clearly identify your boundary
  • Understand why that boundary is important to you, why you need it
  • Be straight forward with your needs
  • Don’t apologize for your needs or give long explanations for them
  • Use a calm and polite tone (but it’s ok if you mess this up the first few times!)
  • Start with stricter boundaries and then loosen them over time if appropriate and as people earn the privilege
  • Adress boundary violations early
  • Have repurcussions for boundary violations – enforce them and stick to them!
  • Don’t make it personal
  • Have and use a support system – friends, family, therapist, etc.
  • Trust your intuition
  • Additional amazing tips on this Captain Awkward article about learning to say no

Joke in the Middle
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?

Links and Information

News

Therapy Resources Discussed on the Show

  • Open Path Collective: resource for therapists in your area for $30-50 including remote sessions.
  • TalkSpace: online therapy at a lower rate than most in-person services.

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