243 Advice Q&A: Religious In-Laws, Letting Your Radical Activism Shine, Advice for 20-Somethings, and much more!

We answer a host of amazing listener questions this week; including how to make friends in a new city when you’re radical AF, complimenting women, and many more. Thank you to everyone who submitted questions!

In This Episode

No news or questions today as Nichole had to fly out to the East Coast at the crack of dawn; we just get right into our awesome listener questions!


  1. Kelly (she/her)
    I was born and raised in SoCal (southern California) but in my 32 years my family has all either moved away or disowned my mother and therefore me by default (it was well earned by my mother, I don’t talk to her either). Because of all of this my main social group and place of support has become my in-laws.

    My wife as well as her family are Christian. When we got married I made clear that I do not, nor do I ever see a future where I would, identify as a Christian however my wife and her family accepted me in and love me regardless. 99% of the time they respect that I do not agree with them theologically.

    My problem is that when I find I am in need of support, my in-laws and to a lesser extent my wife will tell me that Jesus is the answer and that because I do not have “him” in my life I will not ever be able to truly be happy.

    I tried to communicate with her that it feels alienating and lonely when she throws “Jesus” at my problems instead of being supportive.

    My question is what would you say to someone who you love who throws “Jesus” at your problems?

  2. Amanda (she/her)
    My question to you is how to start integrating your activism and or more radical views with your friends and family. I have found myself struggling how to deal with topics of conversation such of politics, human and animal rights, food waste etc without either getting ignored or pushed aside as invaluable.

    Any advice on how to stand your ground and know when to and not to continue the conversation

  3. Daniel
    What advice do you have for someone who is about to exit college or just for someone in their 20s like career wise, dream wise, living wise, etc.?

  4. Natalia (she/her)
    I’m curious for you to do a media review on other podcasts. Particularly fitness-based ones. Or more generally your thoughts on health-based veganism.

  5. Mohera (she/her)
    I have two questions…

    1) How do you two feel about complimenting people (mostly women in particular) about their appearance? I remember you two discussing this on an episode one time, but I’m wondering how you feel about it now? Do you think it’s bad or anti-feminist to tell a woman that you love her hair or think her outfit is really cute? I’ve done some reading into body neutrality and I’m really on board with the idea, but I just really struggle with creating an atmosphere that places less importance on physical appearance while also just being like, “Hey girl I love what you did with your hair today!”

    2) I’m totally on board with anti-capitalism, but I want to hear more about anarchy and what that means to you two. Why do you feel that anarchy is a good idea/approach? It seems a little scary, but I want to hear what you two have to say before forming an opinion. I hear a lot about anti-capitalism on the show, but not a lot about anarchy and I just want to know more of why you both identify as anarchists.

  6. Rose (she/her)
    How do you deal with lingering guilt? I don’t want to get into the details of it, but I still feel guilt about the worst abuser of my life. I broke off my friendship with her nearly 10 years ago for my own safety and sanity, but I still wonder how she is doing and hope that she is okay.

    She grew up in an abusive household and fell in with all the wrong crowds, leading to addiction of every kind you can think of. I was the only real “stable” (for lack of a better term) force in her life and despite all of my constant love and support for her, she still turned around and abused the crap out of me.

    Similarly to what you had talked about in your last episode, I view this as a case of bigger issues at hand (abuse, addiction at large) but I had to leave bc of what she has done for me over 14 years of friendship.

    How do you cope with things like this? I still worry about her, and am honestly still surprised she is alive bc of her lifestyle. I had a panic attack when I unblocked her earlier this year on FB and wasn’t able to re-block her for a few days bc I was terrified she would try and contact me again. (Fortunately that didn’t happen.)

    I don’t want her back in my life but I’m still afraid she hasn’t changed and is still stuck in abusive relationships, and not looking for ways to better herself. I’m doing my best to let her go but part of me still feels guilty that I left, even though I’m pretty sure if I stayed she would have gotten me killed. (As has happened several times already.)

    What are your thoughts?

  7. Hunter (he/him)
    Do y’all believe in the free market place of ideas?

    Since the U.S. population is mostly cis-het-white and taught to be hyper competitive, I find it hard to believe that “democratically” decided issues won’t favor cis-het-white men at the expense of queer people, poc, and the environment. I also feel like this whole, “everyone’s ideas are valid for consideration” thing is spawning a lot of white supremacy.

    I was talking to the student president of a big university in my city, who aspires to become mayor one day, and I asked him if he believes in democracy. He said, “Of course I do!” So I then asked him what if The People™ democratically decide to take away the rights of a minority group, like we saw with Prop 8 in California, or like the general concept of colonialism. He said that he doesn’t like it, and that sometimes people don’t actually know what’s best for them, citing that we would still have segregation in this country if it were left up to the people. He also told me that sometimes he flat out lies to the students for this reason.

    Now, I completely agree with him, but I’m just having a hard time reconciling Democracy™. Like, I obviously want to advocate democracy (if we actually had one, then he-who-shall-not-be-named wouldn’t be president right now), but also I feel like democracy is kindof like a flawed concept. But you can’t just say you don’t believe in democracy! Wouldn’t that make you a totalitarian?

    The YouTube channels Contrapoints and PhilosophyTube have addressed these issues at large (especially in the context of Brexit and the rise of fascism), so I guess it’s just like an age-old question that doesn’t have an answer. But I’m curious what y’all’s take would be.

  8. Jason (he/him)
    I was wondering if yourselves or other vegans you know have had veganism be a “gateway to wokeness” so to speak.

    My family has been vegan almost 4 years and even though we thought we were liberal… it was nothing compared to now.

    It’s like our veganism has opened our eyes to the daily ridiculousness that we supported from the food industry and now we look at everything with a different eye.

    Is this common with other vegans?

    If veganism becomes more widespread can we hope that those same people will be more open to discarding other “sacred cows” that are hurting the world?

  9. Bonus Question from Instagram DMs:
    How do you make friends when you’re queer and radical AF (editor’s note: aka a fucking unicorn!!! fuck yeah!) whne you move to a new place? How do I find my people??
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